the ways things go

the world sweats and it swells and then it steeps for too long it steeps far past the point of acridity and it sweats and it becomes impregnated and as it steeps it waits, it plans, it needs and it waits.

the world needs and waits and sweats so long it makes me thirsty and it sweats and steeps and swells so much it makes me hungry and i'm not sure if i'm either hungry or thirsty but i know what both mean and i'm both, i'm thirsty and i'm sweating, i'm in need and i'm hungry and i've got its game and it swells and joins forces and i'm both thirsty and hungry and i'm confusing the two, i'd drinking when i'm starving and i'm tossing away water when i'm parched and this is the way it goes

this is not the way it goes

and i'm counting seconds between contractions and the hospital rooms aren't like hospital rooms at all, they have televisions that swing on mechanical arms and pivot on mechanical elbows, nurse with 'time for our treatment' in the voice parents' use with their babes and asking me why i'm counting, if i'm counting up or i'm counting down and i'm always counting up because up there is an infinity and down you're only pointing to zero and the arm swings back unagreeably and you take your medicine with the same groan and i'm counting, counting

this is not the way it goes

life and the world and the universe swell and breathes our air and we together deflate because of it but we don't mind, we don't miss our old air, we file no complaints as if we even knew which department to bother as we cheer on its growth as we're counting

we're joined at the hip, this is how it feels, siamese twins that have seperate mouths, when we are hungry and we eat what tastes one way to me tastes a different way to you and we have seperate eyes though similar your blue is not my blue and my brown is not your brown but the conscious acknowledgment of these differences causes no distress as we're joined at the hip all the way up to the shoulder, sharing the same lungs and the same stomach and the same heart and this is all of us, every single last one of us joined together at the hip, this is how it feels, and so many of us reputable surgeons and not a single sharp edge in any of our pockets but we have lighters, some of us are smokers who have lighters and matches for their cigarettes and once the final push comes and we've all stopped counting and we burn the umbilical cord through because not a sharp edge and once it is finished we all let out that breath we've been holding in our shared lungs, holding and holding even while we counted and we finally exhale and the baby takes its first breath and it breathes in us, all of us, and we deflate some more and the universe and the universal swells just a little more and the nurse brings the baby back into the room that isn't like a hospital room at all and we all look the child up and down and your blue that isn't quite my blue and the child's blue that is another hue altogether but we're too tired to smile and the nurse requests some more, 'give the lady a little air ladies and gentlemen', too exhausted to say a thing and if we could we'd ask for a drink of water or liquor yes once enough strength has been regained we will give our best smile and say excuse me please but if you will, a little water, i'm a little thirsty

this is the way it goes