the new year and amicability

We suffer through our diversions. We wander down streets made sterile by our unceasing minds, our paths appearing aimless to those strangers whose eyes we do and those whose we do not meet, appearing aimless yet still full of aspiration (although direction, we will quickly and easily admit, might have escaped us completely). In what feels like the oblique loneliness of post-coitus we constantly stir, constantly, as if we were forever sulking or breathing or just causally biding our time on the furthest plateau of love and not lingering on a while there on the other side of love where everything is fresh and exhilarating and full of promise (though the hint of loneliness is already there, like how the pretensions to glory of summer already possess the odor of autumn, just the slightest whiff of the oncoming rot of autumn).

No we convalesce on the other side of love, the one whence the rot has began to run its course. We breathe the rot in, let it settle into our lungs where it creeps into our blood, finally putting up curtains over the windows of our hearts. Curtains not intended to block out the light but to accentuate it, to add an extra layer on to and over the light itself, to help make the light become more aware of itself, more aware of what and where it is, of what it is illuminating, of the world that is surrounding it, that it is a part of, that it will eventually die in. In a word: the curtains hope solely and innocently to dress the light in the same way that Adam and Eve dressed themselves after eating the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.

Still, we suffer through our diversions. We haven't given up on the technicolor world so much as the technicolor world has forgotten about us and our chiaroscuro dreams. Forgotten about us in the same way that a child will forget her imaginary friends or in the same way that a piece of untouched fruit, after growing too heavy, will forget the tree it has fallen from.

And this is us and how we suffer: too heavy, too ripe, too sweet.