Little Guy

A small list of things physically impossible:

• Walking through walls
• First, dying because you were hit by a mass transit bus & then second, immediately afterward going & finding your bookie to put money on the Seahawks
• The author of this blog losing weight

But, I think it might be happening.

It all started when I was sixteen or so. This body size, that is.

Yep, that's it. End of story. I still boldly walk around towns here, cities there, metropoli everywhere, looking much like I did when I was a teenager: small build, barely breaking 120 pounds, mean look in the eyes. Everying minus the beard. Sounds like a band name there sorta. Will Sheff of Okkervil River fame wrote a great article about band members & beards & what kind of band you have if you have a member of the band who has a beard. I digress.

I have a beard & it is the only thing that gets me into R rated movies. When I put on a suit it looks like, well remember that wedding years & years ago that you attended, yeah you distantly knew someone who has involved & also had come upon, at a young age, that amazing formula which some of us live by, i.e that "Wedding"="Free Beer", & so you went to this freebeerwedding & do you recall that one kid, he was a brother of the groom or a nephew right?, & he was like fifteen &, Oh christ, remember how he looked in that suit, it was too big & you could barely see his fingers poking out from underneath the cuffs & he just looked so awkward & you sort of felt sorry for him & you silently told him "don't worry little guy, some day you'll grow up, you sure will, & you'll be in your mid-twenties & you'll fill out a suit like nobody's business. One day, little guy". You prayed this little pray for him & knew things'd be better for him later on, at least in the suit filling out category.

At work we have this demo lady. She samples items we sell in our grocery store to passing customers, hoping they will like what she pushes & buy it. Her name's Dottie. She calls me "little guy".