What's so funny 'bout...

Not long ago this here blog turned a year old. We had a smashing extravaganza: there were party favours & there were finger foods. Some one jumped out of a cake & some one else said birfday. It was all kinds of hilarious. I was there but I wasn't there, y'know?

Everything's flet really rushed recently. Like right back there, just now, I'm typing so effing fast I misspelled felt. I'm hoping this is just the holiday onslaught. I'm hoping this isn't something else, like some cancer of the brain. Something wacking out my sense of time, y'know where everything feels like it's going by really, really fast but when in reality it isn't, it's just my perception of time & no one, not friends, not family, understand why I'm always bitching & moaning about not having enough time.

But then I feel guilty for saying I don't have enough time when I think about it in relation to my girlfriend & how much time she has off, or doesn't. She works three jobs, seven days a week. The closest thing she has to a day off is saturday when she doesn't work until four in the afternoon. So I try to utilize her perspective, which is something I do fairly often, her outlook on life one which I respect & admire, if it weren't that way I probably wouldn't spend so much time with her or call her skirt but so I attempt to take on her perspective & then it is easy, then I have all the time in the world. No call for petulance.

I'll say to myself: "that's fair."

But honestly, it's not. A few days ago I had this conversation with someone I work with.

{paraphasing here...}
Me: gosh, it's cold.
Co-worker: Yeah, I wouldn't want to be homeless in Eugene this winter. I was homeless one winter & it taught me some things, it was a tough winter & mostly I was on my own & god thank god I had friends, but I really think it's something that every young man should experience. There's nothing like being homeless to teach you the value of a home.
Me: Sure, sure.

Now, first, his jump from just making small talk about the weather to opining on homelessness (& how he's been homeless & how much it was not fun at all & how still all things considered it's something that 'every young man' should experience) was, well, I didn't find this to be linear at all, no, but rather a blatant attempt to earn street cred, & seeing as how I've (blatant attempt at street cred here) been homeless before & thus have gobbers of street cred, so much so that at times you can find it oozing outta my pores & sometimes my skirt uses it to butter her toast in the morning & one of us always makes some 'I can't believe it's not butter' joke & it's always, always, funny, but because of this I don't have patience for blatant attempts from others to garner a bit of good ol' cred & therefore stopped listening somewhere around "Yeah, I wouldn't...". But also it's just a ridiculous idea. Now I appreciate the necessity of understanding one concept to thereby understand its converse & maybe how after some time of understanding these things you might come closer to grasping some universal truth & harmony & also to gaining an inner peace which will better prepare you in your attempts at creating an external peace all because you've realised how it's necessary to recognize & except black so that you will understand & appreciate white & whatever but the key word used over & over here again is this: understand. An understanding. You'd have to be some kind of tormented, confused, un-empathetic shmoe to require experiencing, personally, um, say, having someone break your ulna just so that you'll know just how much it sucks to break your arm & how much you wouldn't want to do it again this year but you think that everyone should have it happen to them once 'cause there's nothing like a broken arm to show you the value of an unbroken one.

Sure, sure.

So yeah, while I understand that a day off, a single freakin' day off, for my girlfriend would be like a caribbean cruise or something, & while I understand this & empathize with her & wish very badly that she could have a day off, it doesn't really change how I feel like I have no time.

'Cause there's flawed logic in the "there's always someone who has it worse off than I do" train of thought. I mean, yes it's obvious, there always is someone worse off than you, equally true is that there's always someone better off than you. But I feel there's a problem with valuing what you have by what other's do not. That seems like maybe you're having to try too hard.

But while I haven't had time to come by in a long while (for which I will, again, apologize), I'm thankful I have a blog because some people don't & that's really sad.