More Human than Human (blade runner reference, not white zombie)

mi novia is sick. & it's the twisted humour of some acerbic god that bequeths to her the viral infections & not me. I smoke like a fish & drink like a chimney, it's a good day if I eat two meals, I'm rarely in bed before midnight, I never bathe. Aliza: quit smoking in january, is only seen with a drink in her hand if it's a federal holiday, eats healthy huge style, sleeps on average eight hours a night, baths daily. & then here now she's been sick going on a month & I've got nothing. I swear I'm more goddamn evolved then everyone else. My asthma is just god's way of keeping my ego in check.

I'm concerned about her. This sickness, whatever it is (doctors said it wasn't mono, everyone's first guess, but even if it were I wouldn't have contracted it, hell I probably would've grown a second penis just to prove how healthy & evolved I am) is taking it out of her. The real concern is that she doesn't ever slow down. This not-mono is capable of reducing her afternoons & evenings to channel surfing & ice cream eating but still, monday through friday, she commutes forty minutes to Junction City to work a full & tiresome day at JC high school. On the weekends she is still reprimanding middle schoolers for their trespasses at saturday school & on sundays she's still watching little tykes at St. Mary's daycare. If I had this not-mono I'd be calling up my lawyer to prepare my will:

• Records
• Tony: Swingin' Utters, Franklin Bruno & the 'Tone.
• Mary: my hardcore albums with the clause that she listen to the left for dead/acrid split lp once a month.
• Aliza: Costello, Devo, Billy Bragg, Camper van Beethoven, Gould, Kind of like Spitting, Belle & Sebastian, Against Me!, the Clash & Springsteen albums, & also all my cds.
• Jared Smith: Death Cab for Cutie & Bloc Party.
• Jeremy: St. Etienne, Esquivel, Looper & bis.
• Brian: everything else.
• Books
• Brian: all my novels by Russian authors.
• Aliza: the Little Prince & the Last Samurai.
• Mary: my 1981 World Book Encyclopedia.
• Jered Merrefield: everything else.
• My Computer: to the charity of my brothers' choosing
• My Typewriters: the Wanderer to Tony; the Hermes to Brian; the Royal to Tara.
• My Guitar: my father with the clause that he string it left-handed & learn Clementine.
• & my Avocado plant is to be taken to Chile & planted in furtile soil, where she belongs.